A Rant In Between and Outside

I find myself in between. Nothing out of the ordinary for a trans person, but worth some thought, I think. The heteronormative society sees and treats me as lesbian because I look like one and like girls. They only see a female body that acts like a guy so she must be gay then, right? So, do I belong to the queer scene, then? Nope.

Now that I am out to my gay friends I find that I do not belong with them any more. They say that nothing has changed and that I belong with them as much as before, that I have as much right to be with them as before. But you know what. Spoken words are less than 10% of the message delivered. Meaning that the rest, more than 90%, is gestures, attitude, facial expressions, behaviour, unspoken things, even the way you speak the words. And I very clearly do not feel welcome. I, a straight guy, do not belong with them, my so-called gay friends. What an awful creature a straight guy is, and not just any straight guy but a straight white guy!

They might as well remove the T from their LGBTIQ, as far as I am concerned. No, I do not have the energy or any interest really to actively remind them of trans issues to make things happen. So partly my fault too. But unless I remind them, all they see is GAY. Not really even bi. But no, it's not my fight. My road leads me elsewhere, so other trans people can fight for acceptance within the queer community if they are interested in it. I am just ranting here.

So I find myself in state where I don't really belong to the straight society even though I am straight, but I get the negative side effects for being a straight guy. And I don't belong to the gay society but I get the negative side effects for appearing to be gay, a butch lesbian. So where are the positive sides of the deal? Beats me.

Ooh yeah, I'm so enjoying myself. Welcome to the marvellous trans world, huh. I'm not just in between. I'm outside. All alone in the f***ing rain. Well, not quite all alone. I have my sweet girlfriend. Love you Ashes!